after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
