yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
