dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
