if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
