i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
