Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
