i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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