If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is it because I queefed?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
