on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had to cum in my sink.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
