who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
