This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
