doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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