you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
