ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
