Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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