you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
