I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
