i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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