All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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