so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
