I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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