You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
