Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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