toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
