My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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