Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
