Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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