I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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