just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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