My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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