This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize