worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
