Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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