did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
