This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
