that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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