You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
