All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
