Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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