do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
