You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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