Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
