Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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