i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
