I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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