You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
