I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
