Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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