You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
