Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
