My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
