if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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