ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
