Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
