WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
