either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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