I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
