Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
