i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
