haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
