home. puking in laundry basket.
The best revenge is premature balding
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
