have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
