Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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