How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
