my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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