after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
