I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
