There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
